Mondays with Mel– My Collar Must Go!!!

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By Mel the Cat Columnist

Collars! What are they good for? Absolutely nothing! Well, at least that’s what I think! The humans don’t agree with this but I know I am right. Don’t you agree fellow furry ones?
I understand that the dog needs a collar because she goes outside to use the “facilities” and goes on walks with the humans but I so don’t understand why Jaden and I need them. It’s not like we are outdoor kitties and stay out. Well, wait…I do like to escape the walls that imprison my inner lion so I guess where a collar with my name and the humans’ phone numbers does make sense.
The bell on my collar is just annoying. If I have an itch anywhere near my collar, it jingles. If I race up and down the stairs at ungodly hours, it jingles. If I’m chasing after a bug, it jingles. I think my humans like it to annoy me. Though they do know where I am and I don’t get stepped on. Dangit. I guess they’re right. Do not tell them I said that.
I did manage to get out of my again today. I owe my success all to my boss. He posted on Facebook a “Monday Motivation” and wrote “Make it happen!!! You are in charge of this day. Make it count.” Truly inspirational stuff right there. So to add to my humans’ “case of the Monday’s”, I decided to lose the collar! I took this typically boring Monday and added my own flair. I’m good like that.
Much to my chagrin, it was quickly discovered. The little human found it under his train table. His investigative skills are quite good, I must admit. He then looked at me and said “bad evil Smegal.” I’m over here like “just livin’ up to my international kitty of mystery and shenanigans” title. My human parents probably wouldn’t have found it so quickly but do to the little human’s proximity to the floor, he was able to find it quickly. Maybe I need to think of a place higher up. But then my human mother would find it. She can find anything. Just ask my human father. She can tell him where his wallet is at zero dark thirty without even being fully awake or have her eyes open. True story.
I just heard the dryer door open. Fresh laundry time! I must go lay in the clothes while my human mother tries to fold them. No outfit is complete without a little Mel fur.
Until next time Melvians…

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