Mondays With Mel: It’s A Celestial Trip For Mel


By Mel the Cat Columnist

Good Monday Melvians! It may be Monday, BUT it is Monday with Mel, so it couldn’t be that bad! I chose Monday’s because I know my hilarity helps you all through your day. See, I can be a nice kitty. Sometimes.

So, let me tell you all about this dream I had. It was rather epic. I dreamed I was looking through the humans’ telescope and I discovered a planet! My human father told the local astrometry club and it turns out, it had never been seen before so I got to name the planet!

I tossed around some ideas like Melfious, Melvian, Mel-me, Melcat but decided on Melczar 05. Mel because that’s my name, czar because I rule and 05 because that’s the year the world changed when I was born. It seemed fitting.

The planet was similar to my fur color. A yellowish orange and had rings, like my tail. I was able to take a space ship to this newly discovered planet. When we landed and the doors opened, it was glorious! It was populated by cats! The grass was cat nip, the trees were covered in cat treats and there were creeks of milk!

The word spread of my arrival and I was taken to meet the felines that inhabited the planet. They were cheering for me! As I got closer to the city center, I saw a statue of….ME! They had heard of me from planet Earth and knew I was just what they needed to rule the planet! I soon became Mel, leader of planet Melzar 05. It was amazing! I had all the cat nip, milk, treats and tuna I wanted! I took great care of my fellow felines and we lived in peace for many years. Until one day when the invaders arrived.

A ship full of dogs landed and they came out demanding we give them their beds back. We had a meowing/hissing and barking/growling contest for what seemed like forever. I tried to convince them we didn’t have their beds but they wouldn’t listen. I felt this tugging underneath my paws. Their barking got louder. I was about to bring my claws out as a last resort then….

I woke up. Madison, the dog, was barking and tugging on her bed. The one that I was asleep in. Oops. I guess even Mel, ruler of Melzar 05 isn’t allowed to sleep in the bed of Madison, ruler of planet Terrier Nova 03.

I slowly got out of her bed and got into mine. As I tried to get comfortable, I became bummed over not just the fact that she ruined my dream, but I am still not the ruler of this planet or my very own planet. And the fact that my bed isn’t as warm as hers. Purrhaps I will go into the kitchen and act all pitiful until I’m given treats. One good thing about this cold weather is the fact the humans turn the fireplace on a lot. Maybe I can nudge my bed a little closer to the fire then go beg for some treats while it warms up.

Until next time Melvians…

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